Musing Overdue

Let me start by saying I had such a nice weekend!  I'll post some of the goings on...can the goal to post be tomorrow...hmmmmm?  We shall see!  But suffice it to say fun happenings with the kids and great weather.  Ahhh....

But now for the musing.

Drumroll....

It deserves a drumroll.  Why?  Cuz it's been way too long.

Tonight I couldn't find something, which led to cleaning out a drawer, which led to looking at some older pictures, which led to reading some older emails, which led to reading some of my older blog posts.

(If you think that's ADD you should really follow me around for a day!  Kinda flighty I am...anyhoo...I'm getting distracted...who me?)

Reading some of my older blog posts I realized I haven't been being very REAL on my blog lately.

Wow.  Cuz that's always been my goal.  But the blog has become more light and superficial than before.

I've wondered for the past, I don't know...6 months?  where my drive to blog has gone.  I chalked it up to getting busier and busier, as lives tend to get.  But deep down I kept wondering.

Tonight I read older, more REAL blog posts.  More "this is my heart I trust you not to trample on it and hope you can relate and in someways you feel less alone because of it."

Now I'm wondering.  Have I put on a mask?  I mean, all most of us always struggle with masks.  The masks that say,

"If you knew who I REALLY was you wouldn't like me so this is who I want you to think I am."  Or more of such and such.

It is a pet peeve of mine that, especially Christians, people can't be more REAL with each other.  That's what we're here for right?  To support and love each other and show grace in our worst moments?

But the FEAR.  The fear of not living up to expectations.  The fear that someone might find out that I really don't have it all together.  The fear that if they knew "this" they might think I'm a bad mom.  Or a bad wife.  Or a bad friend.  Or...whatever.

G.R.A.C.E.

Christ's grace covers all things.

So tonight, a little more REAL from me.  The past couple of days have been rough.

Sierra had her wisdom teeth taken out yesterday.  Dug out, really.  She's eleven.  Yes, that is young.

I half expected her to bounce back.  She isn't.  She's off and on miserable.  And therefore so am I.


I don't want to be.  I want to be the *strong* mom who gives it all for her daughter and has some left over for her 6 other kids, husband and friends to boot.

But I didn't feel that way yesterday, nor do I today.

I feel overwhelmed.

And to be truthful...to be REAL...I've been feeling that way more often.

I need to hear about the GRACE and LOVE my Savior gives me from others and from the pulpit.  Not just what I should be doing.  Because in order to love well I have to fill up with the LOVE of Christ.  To bask in His presence.  To be in awe of His glory.  To know that I'm loved fully by Him in such a huge and marvelous way.  To know that He loves me no matter what.

To know that I can never let Him down.

Why?

Cuz I'm not holding Him up.

He's holding me up.

Ahhhh.....

Grace.  Love.  Hope.

Let's be REAL.