Parenting...wHaT?!?

Ok, so what mom hasn't wished that her child came with a manual?? You know, one that just "poof" shows up when they are born or adopted? Me! Me! I want one!!! (Imagine me jumping like a crazed bridesmaid when the bride is ready to throw the bouquet).

Although they would probably be longer than the IRS tax codes. But still...

Sad momma heart tonight. Not devastated, not remotely, just sad.

I've been wondering whether to share with you all or not. Because I don't want you to think badly of one of my children. I won't mention her by name, but you'll figure it out. And yet, if you're reading this blog because you're thinking about adopting, or you have adopting kids...maybe you should know...or maybe it will be good to hear you're not alone.

Adopting older kids is...well...harder than adopting younger kids. Not in all adoptions. Sometimes even it's the reverse. But...in my case.

Just as rewarding! Just as in love with them as the younger ones...but...harder. Don't get me wrong, I'd do it again in a New York minute! They are the greatest gift!!! But I not only need a manual for them, but a history book of the last years in order to understand.

We've been dealing with lying a lot lately. Almost daily.

It's a learned behavior in this case. It's learned at times in order to survive. Truly survive.

It's also learned in order to get people to like you. When you've been through so much--much more than I've been through in 36 years--you just might think that people won't like you for who you are. So you need to make stuff up.

We're learning. Both of us. I'm learning to be patient and yet still teach her NOT to lie. That lying is NOT good. To teach her how important this is, yet make sure she knows that no matter what she ever says or does, I'll always always love her. She's learning that it's not a good thing, at all. But habits are hard to break. It's not fun for either one of us.

Don't get me wrong. I think you'd be hard pressed to find child that didn't go through a lying faze. My three older kids included!! All children have to learn that. And overall, this child is the sweetest, kindest child ever. A kind heart that's just been through a lot. And seriously, there's no evidence that she's lied to anyone else but me.

The lying to my face tries my patience. A lot.

But tonight I found out she lied about her past. Stories that I believed. And that makes me very sad.

I want to know. I want to understand. I want her to remember how it really was. Not get it muddled up in her brain with the made up stories and the truth. Later on not really remembering what was real and what wasn't.

She needs to remember. She needs to reconcile her past with her present.

I'm sad. Sad for her. Sad for me that I may never know what my daughter's/children's lives were like.

I think we had a breakthrough tonight though. Not saying I expect things to be different tomorrow, but a step in the right direction. A connection.

I love her so much. No matter what.